2011: a clean slate.

So it's the last day of 2010. It's amazing how much can happen in a year. I won't get into details but it's been a tough year to say the least. I've learned to grow from everything that I've experienced in life. Not to hold grudges. The Bible says "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you" [Ephesians 4:31-32]. So, I'm trying my best to live like that. I'll admit -I'm not perfect. I don't always listen to myself...but this year I'll try my best.

To me, 2011 is a clean slate. It's a clean slate for myself. A clean slate for my relationship with others - friends, family, acquaintances... everyone. This year is going to be a happier, healthier, and better year for me. Cheers to that.

I'm posting some of my resolutions here on purpose... I want people to keep me accountable for them...

1. Be more motivated in school.

2. Travel more. Travel spontaneously. [I'm going to Chicago in March. Hawaii in June. Vegas in July...and that's just to start. I love traveling... so if you're reading this, and you feel the same way.. let me know!]

3. Be healthier. [I've been really slacking on working out, so it's something I want to make into my routine. I want to exercise at least 4 days a week. I love going hiking, so once again, if you're reading this and you like going hiking too... let me know.]

4. Learn to cook more. [I know how to cook, but not that much. My range is limited. I want to learn to cook healthier food. I want to learn master how to cook at least 1 Persian stew with rice.]

5. Be a stronger Christian.

So... I think that's it. It might only be 5 resolutions, but all of them will take a lot of effort. Some more than others... the most important ones specifically. Well, feel free to keep me accountable to these. Ask me to cook for you. Go workout with me. Take a trip with me. Study with me. Go to church with me. That's all I ask.

Cheers to a new year. Cheers to 2011.

midnight mission.

Sounds like some fun, undercover spy-thing right? Well, it's not. It's a soup kitchen in the middle of downtown LA. My sorority went there this morning and did some community service. I was really excited to go because 1. I love my "sisters" and 2. I love helping others. So when we got there we got guided to the back kitchen and assigned our first task: open (what seemed to be a million) cans of sweet peas, drain them and pour them in a HUGE bucket (the plastic ones you put drinks in at parties.) So we did that for probably 2 hours. There were THAT many cans. Thank God I didn't like peas to begin with. I never want to eat another one in my life. Haha. It was really enjoyable though because we all got to bond while doing it. So after doing that for 2 hours and filling 4 buckets, getting pea juice everywhere and a few cuts...we were finally done. We got to rest for about 20 mins since we had been on our feet for so long so it was nice.

Then we got to serve the people that came in. It was a bit overwhelming after the first few people. I really started to feel so happy to be there and so blessed. People came young, old, handicap, homeless, professionally dressed people... all types of people came. It was amazing how thankful and kind they were. I really felt so blessed to be there. It was hard to see how many people are not as fortunate to live a life like I do. I realized how lucky I am to be attending UCLA, have a bed to sleep in, food in my refrigerator...just really blessed in life. I feel like God has given me so many opportunities to go to school and have a good life that some of these people never have had. It hurts to see these people be so thankful yet people that do have life's luxuries like a bed, roof over their heads, food in the fridge, not be thankful.

In all, I was really happy to be able to volunteer there today and I really hope to go again soon.

baking!

So I've been on this little baking/cooking thing for a few weeks now. First I made enchiladas from scratch (yes. scratch. meaning I made the sauce, cooked the chicken, etc.). Then I made lemon bars last week from scratch (yes. again) and brought them to work for my last day. Then I made some semi-homemade pizzas and garlic-cheese knots. And now I've made some chocolate chip pancakes (still yet to perfect though.) It's been pretty fun. I think I definitely have some sort of back up job in cooking/baking (if not, my husband will be a lucky man.) But yeah, this post is pretty short. I doubt anyone really reads this thing anyway. It's just a fun thing for me to do...an outlet of some sort. Well I took some pictures of my baking so...

The last, lonely lemon bar...

My ingredients for the pizza/knots (minus oregano, garlic powder, and salt)

Pre-oven..

Post-oven... YUM! The knots were good with some of the marinara sauce. Such an easy lunch!

negligence.

I've kind of neglected my blog for the past few months. Not that I haven't had anything to write about, trust me, I have. I guess I just didn't know how to put things into words. I worked the whole summer. It was a great opportunity for me to see if working in the career field of creative design in an office for 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week was something I wanted to do. I really did enjoy the internship. Not only have I walked away with so much more knowledge, but I've walked away with a few friends that I will definitely know for a long time. Plus, it was amazing being in the heart of Hollywood and frequenting all the local restaurants and hotspots including having poolside lunch at the Roosevelt (can't get anymore LA than that, right?) Aside from that I've spent my time hanging out with friends and just trying to enjoy my summer.

I've been in a weird part of my life, trying to figure out what I want in life, what I want to do, etc. All the unknowns scare the crap out of me, because as of right now, if someone asked me "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" I wouldn't be able to answer because I honestly have no idea. I guess I'll just have to wait and trust in God...deep down I know everything is going to be alright.

I'm starting school in a few weeks. I'm moving into my apartment soon. I feel so grown up. It's weird. I'll have to be cooking my own meals, paying my bills (I guess I already do that since I signed up for everything), but it's just going to be a whole different dynamic living in an apartment instead of a dorm. I'm excited/scared/nervous/optimistic and determined to make this year a better year than last year...and it will be. I know it.

Well...thanks for letting me rant. Till next time.

tough week.

So this week was a hard week for me. First monday I woke up at 6:15, drove to Temple Court in downtown LA, only to be told that the DA for the case I was on jury duty for was sick. So... that was a complete waste of my morning/putting off my internship for a week. It was really annoying to say the least. But, I sawmy babies in the afternoon, so that made everything so much better. Tuesday was a hard day. I wasn't having the best morning to begin with, then to top it off I got into my first big accident. I was driving down Victory towards Topanga and a car made a left turn to turn into the mall and hit me. It was one of the scariest things in my life. I slammed on the brakes and swerved, but I still got hit. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was driving one second, the next second an SUV hit my car (well... not mine, but my aunt's 1999 Honda Civic.) I remember the second I got hit the first things that came to my head were thinking that my airbags were about to deploy and my window was going to break. Luckily neither of those happened. I probably sat in my car in shock for a good 2 minutes before I did anything. I called my dad frantically and asked him to come... he was in North Hollywood at work, so I knew that would take a while. Then I called my mom. The first thing I said was "Don't worry, I'm okay... I got into a car accident." She was in Westwood, so it would take a while for her to come too. Then I started calling people in my family, but one by one I either got no answers or people who were doing other things. I figured it's better not to leave a message or tell people I had gotten into an accident than to scare them and tell them I had gotten into one. I had exhausted all my extremes and was left with no one to call. It was probably the most lonely time I ever felt. Like there's been times where I've been alone, but I think this time it felt even more lonely because it was the time when I REALLY needed someone to be there right then for me. I got out of the car and just stared at it. The bumper looked like it was almost off. Something was dripping from the front of it. The street had skid marks on the floor. Pretty much looked like this:

I looked down at myself to make sure I was okay, thankfully I was. Then a witness came over to me and asked if I was okay and started telling me that I should take pictures of the car and then try to move it because I was blocking the driveway to the mall. So I took my pictures and barely managed to drive the car into a parking spot. We exchanged information and my parents and aunt finally came, along with AAA to tow the car. I'm really thankful for the family I have. Not once did they yell at me or anything about the car. They told me they didn't care about the car and the only thing that mattered was that I was okay. I think I was still in shock until I got home from the mall. I had barely shed a tear when I got into the accident or after it, but when I got home I basically collapsed into my dad's arms and sobbed. Now looking back on it, I cant help to think how thankful I am. The accident could've been so much worse. I didn't even have a bruise (and for those of you who really know me, I bruise easily.) So physically, I was okay. Mentally, a little freaked out when I drive now. I had a dream the other night that I got into a car accident. Woke up and my heart was beating like a jack rabbit. Didn't fall back asleep for a good 45 mins. It's okay though. I'm tough. I can deal with that stuff.

Just reflecting on this, I realized I'm lucky and blessed in so many ways. I'm lucky in that the car accident could've been so much worse. I really feel like God was protecting me. If he would've hit me just a foot over, he would've hit my driver's door and probably broken the window and possibly some body part. I'm blessed that my family was so supportive. My family only cared about my health, and that I was okay. They didn't care about the car. It makes me appreciate my family so much more. They're amazing. I've grown more closer to them in these past few months than I've been in the last few years. I only hope that my relationship with my family will grow and strengthen even more over the next few months while I'm at home.

why?

So for a few months I've been thinking about starting a blog after seeing other people's blogs. I got bored tonight, so I figured, 'Why not start tonight?'

The title is pretty self-explanatory... I mean, my name is a type of a flower, so if it didn't make sense before, hopefully now it will. I've been through a lot this past year. It's been a long journey of ups and downs, moments of happiness and sadness, times where I've taken two steps forward and three steps back. I wouldn't change any of those moments for anything -they've made me who I am today.

I'm probably at the weirdest part of my life right now. I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm starting to figure out who will be part of my life years from now. It's really scary not to know anything that will happen... not even a glimpse of what's to come. The only thing I have to hold onto right now is one verse that has stuck with me for a while now, Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I know this might not mean much to a lot of people, but for me, as a Christian, it means a lot especially now that I'm struggling with so many "Why?" questions in my life. They say things happen for a reason, and I believe they do, but it doesn't stop me from wondering why. Why this? Why that? As much as I ask that, I look back on different times in my life where I've asked why things have happened, and ultimately, they worked out. Everything that happened post high school shaped me into the person who wrote those college essays & studied for hours to get into my dream school, UCLA. People come into and out-of my life all the time, and I've wondered what their reason to be part of it was, but I've come to realize that I've learned something from each and every one of these people. I only hope the lessons that I have to offer people will be good ones that will stick with them throughout their life. No matter how small or how large the lesson, I think that someone always has something to offer you, whether it's intentional or not. I've been through more things in the past year than I have in the other 19 years of my life. I'm curious to know how they'll shape my future.

Well... I think that's enough ranting for now.. until next time.