tough week.

So this week was a hard week for me. First monday I woke up at 6:15, drove to Temple Court in downtown LA, only to be told that the DA for the case I was on jury duty for was sick. So... that was a complete waste of my morning/putting off my internship for a week. It was really annoying to say the least. But, I sawmy babies in the afternoon, so that made everything so much better. Tuesday was a hard day. I wasn't having the best morning to begin with, then to top it off I got into my first big accident. I was driving down Victory towards Topanga and a car made a left turn to turn into the mall and hit me. It was one of the scariest things in my life. I slammed on the brakes and swerved, but I still got hit. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I was driving one second, the next second an SUV hit my car (well... not mine, but my aunt's 1999 Honda Civic.) I remember the second I got hit the first things that came to my head were thinking that my airbags were about to deploy and my window was going to break. Luckily neither of those happened. I probably sat in my car in shock for a good 2 minutes before I did anything. I called my dad frantically and asked him to come... he was in North Hollywood at work, so I knew that would take a while. Then I called my mom. The first thing I said was "Don't worry, I'm okay... I got into a car accident." She was in Westwood, so it would take a while for her to come too. Then I started calling people in my family, but one by one I either got no answers or people who were doing other things. I figured it's better not to leave a message or tell people I had gotten into an accident than to scare them and tell them I had gotten into one. I had exhausted all my extremes and was left with no one to call. It was probably the most lonely time I ever felt. Like there's been times where I've been alone, but I think this time it felt even more lonely because it was the time when I REALLY needed someone to be there right then for me. I got out of the car and just stared at it. The bumper looked like it was almost off. Something was dripping from the front of it. The street had skid marks on the floor. Pretty much looked like this:

I looked down at myself to make sure I was okay, thankfully I was. Then a witness came over to me and asked if I was okay and started telling me that I should take pictures of the car and then try to move it because I was blocking the driveway to the mall. So I took my pictures and barely managed to drive the car into a parking spot. We exchanged information and my parents and aunt finally came, along with AAA to tow the car. I'm really thankful for the family I have. Not once did they yell at me or anything about the car. They told me they didn't care about the car and the only thing that mattered was that I was okay. I think I was still in shock until I got home from the mall. I had barely shed a tear when I got into the accident or after it, but when I got home I basically collapsed into my dad's arms and sobbed. Now looking back on it, I cant help to think how thankful I am. The accident could've been so much worse. I didn't even have a bruise (and for those of you who really know me, I bruise easily.) So physically, I was okay. Mentally, a little freaked out when I drive now. I had a dream the other night that I got into a car accident. Woke up and my heart was beating like a jack rabbit. Didn't fall back asleep for a good 45 mins. It's okay though. I'm tough. I can deal with that stuff.

Just reflecting on this, I realized I'm lucky and blessed in so many ways. I'm lucky in that the car accident could've been so much worse. I really feel like God was protecting me. If he would've hit me just a foot over, he would've hit my driver's door and probably broken the window and possibly some body part. I'm blessed that my family was so supportive. My family only cared about my health, and that I was okay. They didn't care about the car. It makes me appreciate my family so much more. They're amazing. I've grown more closer to them in these past few months than I've been in the last few years. I only hope that my relationship with my family will grow and strengthen even more over the next few months while I'm at home.

why?

So for a few months I've been thinking about starting a blog after seeing other people's blogs. I got bored tonight, so I figured, 'Why not start tonight?'

The title is pretty self-explanatory... I mean, my name is a type of a flower, so if it didn't make sense before, hopefully now it will. I've been through a lot this past year. It's been a long journey of ups and downs, moments of happiness and sadness, times where I've taken two steps forward and three steps back. I wouldn't change any of those moments for anything -they've made me who I am today.

I'm probably at the weirdest part of my life right now. I don't know what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I'm starting to figure out who will be part of my life years from now. It's really scary not to know anything that will happen... not even a glimpse of what's to come. The only thing I have to hold onto right now is one verse that has stuck with me for a while now, Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" I know this might not mean much to a lot of people, but for me, as a Christian, it means a lot especially now that I'm struggling with so many "Why?" questions in my life. They say things happen for a reason, and I believe they do, but it doesn't stop me from wondering why. Why this? Why that? As much as I ask that, I look back on different times in my life where I've asked why things have happened, and ultimately, they worked out. Everything that happened post high school shaped me into the person who wrote those college essays & studied for hours to get into my dream school, UCLA. People come into and out-of my life all the time, and I've wondered what their reason to be part of it was, but I've come to realize that I've learned something from each and every one of these people. I only hope the lessons that I have to offer people will be good ones that will stick with them throughout their life. No matter how small or how large the lesson, I think that someone always has something to offer you, whether it's intentional or not. I've been through more things in the past year than I have in the other 19 years of my life. I'm curious to know how they'll shape my future.

Well... I think that's enough ranting for now.. until next time.